Lately I have found myself surrounded by stories and actions of people going about half way towards what they know to be true, right and just in their lives only to be shut down by no one else but themselves. Now don’t get me wrong my life was full of half-ass, never committing or following through, lines of bull sh#* because I feared what everyone else thought, how it would be different (even though I hated how it was now). I struggled even speaking up to my family, friends, even my spouse/partner on simple things like I didn’t want to eat at that restaurant, or that I didn’t agree with their comment or that I had an actual opinion that was different from theirs. Instead I would squander in my head over the foolish idea that I was a loser and not could not do what I wanted, and that what others thought was socially right, was more appropriate.
Now fast forward ten or fifteen years later and that person who thought like that is about 98% gone. I look back and feel sympathy for that person, that person who never even allowed herself to express her inner desires, ideas and dreams. That person who allowed the society norm to overtake her and stuff her simple ideas like what to wear, only to trade that for hours of anguish over what she thought others would wear, so she would not be different, in the fears of being rejected or feel out of place.
Sound familiar? Maybe not to you, but maybe you know someone who is letting go of what he or she desires, knows to be the right thing, or in her gut knows is absolutely the right move for fear, over thinking and feelings of less than.
Here’s what I say to that NO THANK YOU! Having spent years perfecting that life sucking process, I want to urge you it is not going to take you anywhere, feeling bad for yourself because you won’t (yes you) do what you know you need to do and step up and take a chance.
We are all surrounded with excuses, excuses as to why we won’t go to lunch with someone, why we won’t try yoga, why we won’t switch to a different job, why we won’t move, why we didn’t complete that task, why we are overweight, why we are not happy, why we are not healthy, why we feel friendless, why we won’t go on that retreat, take that class, why we are stuck (so we say) where we are in life right now.
I have simplified my life down to something very basic. When things are not going right (in my eyes) in my life, do not look outside yourself, to blame or for answers (help yes, guidance yes), simply ask yourself honestly, what can I do to change this, where am I letting my ego guide me?
When we act in such a way we go from blaming the world for our short comings, or blind spots and start to really move forward in a hear me roar sort of way.
I occasionally find myself dancing in a pickle of excuses as to why things are not moving forward, but really it’s either me not calling the shots, making the motion, or simply stepping up. It’s me not saying what I need, and instead going mute (which eats me up inside) or blaming others for why things are not as they could be.
So let me let you in on a little secret that I have learned in my own life. Your life actions are no one’s fault but your own, I want to urge you to humble yourself to those words, I have and now I can reflect on that without my ego saying (#*&#@#, you fill in the blank), it’s called self-responsibility, that if we all just go inward a bit more, try a little harder and be a bit more honest-first with ourselves then I think, no I’m pretty sure all of our lives would flow a bit more seamlessly. Because then when we hit a bump, we are able to stop, reflect and then continue the course without side tracking our time, energy and focus to someone or something else that has nothing to do with what it is we were doing or moving towards in the first place.
So let me sum up my thoughts for you.
1. Ask yourself what you desire is right now? To move, to get a better job, to become a yoga teacher, to own a home, to have a family, to be at peace, to learn to control your anger, to sleep better, whatever it is right now do not look outside yourself and blame or say that person needs to help me. I ask myself at this point Hope, where are you being lazy, where are you fearing change, what is the worst that could happen?
2. Remember that no one can change your life but you. Remember that you hold the key to your own density, if you have a Higher Power or connection to a simple truth like Universal Consciousness then reflect to that and know that you are a part of that.
3. Go back to your desires and when you think about it and your excuses pop up, write them down and then next to them write how you can overcome that (first step is to stop thinking or saying that), but also write down why you think you are not taking responsibility for those issues, it’s amazing what comes up.
4. Humble yourself, no one is perfect, and when act out of ego, you are simply saying that you are better than everyone else. Remember; do onto others as you want them to do onto you.
5. Finally, be you for a day, yep just for a day, speak up, step out, inquiry about that job, or training, or new home, and then reflect on the necessary steps to get there. Just because you don’t like the steps doesn’t mean you should not take action in them.
Please know this, I only write from my own truth, and my own truth is mine, so if you are reading this I urge you to self-reflect, everything is an opportunity to learn, grow and be a better version of yourself, it’s only if you over think it or approach it with your ego that you take it any other way.
Be well and most importantly just be.