4 Habits of Determined People
I am a very determined person. But there is a part of me that still holds onto this “learned behavior” of freezing when things get hard.
It’s not that I would “give up,” but rather, I would freeze.
I wouldn’t know what to do next. The fear of failure or worst making the wrong decision and others being disappointed would paralyze me. Others being “unhappy.”
Last week I was talking to my mentor and telling him about a decision I need to make. And he immediately looked at me and said:
“Hope…you are not responsible for other people’s happiness”.
No, follow up statement. No nothing. I felt the irony of that statement: when he said it, he wasn’t worried if it would make me happy or not. He said it because it was the truth.
For years I had it 🚫 ALL WRONG. 🚫
I put so much of my energy into ensuring others would be happy. In return, I was killing myself, exhausting myself, to the point I was becoming bitter.
I would be temporarily happy because of my doings… But it never lasted. I would soon need another fix. I could never win.
See, I had being kind and helping others mixed up with making others happy…
I use to think that the only way to make others happy was to put them as a priority over myself. To give them everything they ask for. To self-sacrifice, put me at the bottom. Do the “poor me” dance.
This learned behavior was slowly killing me just as fast as my eating disorder was.
Over the last several years, I have been working diligently on cutting the cord of this person’s pleasing disease.
Here is what I know to be true…
❣️I believe we are all put here on this Earth for a God-given reason.
❣️We all have gifts, talents, and paths.
❣️We all are meant to shine, no one brighter than the next.
❣️But it is up to us as to how we choose to shine-dim our light or turn it up super bright.
My people-pleasing disease was strangling my natural determination superpower. I was driven, focused, and always wanting to do my best. But every time I would get the car running to accomplish BIG things, my people-pleasing disease would step in and sabotage my success. Over the years, I have learned how to effectively harness the skill sets and mindset to drive to my destination with less distraction.
Four Attributes of Determined People:
- Most successful people are great at delaying gratification. In the words of Beluga from Willy Wonka, “Daddy, please, I want it now.” And we all know what happened to Beluga. Part of my recovery was learning to sit with ill feelings and emotions. And learning they will pass. Right now, my parents are selling their house, and for my father, this is a roller coaster of emotions because when things don’t happen immediately, he just wants to make rash decisions. Dropping the price dramatically, thinks no one wants it… on and on. He just wants it over. But remember those feelings you are feeling are just feelings, and they will pass. Breathe my friends, and if you can delay that gratification for a bit longer, you may be surprised what you get in the end.
- Most successful people are great at withstanding temptation. I see this as several things. Are you trying to lose weight? That chip looks so good at 9:30 pm, doesn’t it? You have a deadline that would skyrocket your business, but you are organizing your office. You want a new job but have yet to do anything that would push you towards that goal outside of Netflix and Chill. My point is this; the temptation is just that-temptation. It’s enhancing immediate gratification for having it later. There is a form of resilience being cultivated when you say no so you can say yes then. You can do it!
- Most successful people are great at overcoming fear to do what they need to do. Most of my life, I have had a fear of rejection. Small, large, it doesn’t matter. And overcoming this has been a lot like going to the gym. If you want to develop a specific muscle or muscle group, your best work it and do things that are hard to strengthen that muscle then and, as a result, get better at them. So in my business, I have learned just to do it (thanks Nike). And if I lay out who I need to call the next day and put it in my calendar like an appointment and then just do it before I can overthink and my emotions wiggle their way in, success is within arms reach for me. The result, I’m less anxious around this and have taught myself that rejection is made up and that no’s only lead me to the yes’s waiting for me on the other side.
- Most successful people don’t set priorities; they do the things they decide are most important. What is important to you? It’s hard to figure this out without setting goals. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? When we see the destination (no matter how crazy it might sound), knowing this will help you figure out what is essential. I see these things as choices. We all can make choices. What are you choosing to do? Are those choices aligned with what you say you want?
Remember this: Do not ever feel bad for how bright your light is.
And if it makes someone else unhappy, that is for them to fix—not you. But equally as much, learn to be happy when others have a win. In the end, this simple practice will almost always return to you as a win as well. Determined is not just to reach your goal. It’s also to support others when they reach theirs.
Let me ask you this: Who do you know that is doing amazing things? Who do you do that worked hard for something and got it? Who do you know that has achieved a win, goal, or accomplishment. Now it may be something you have been working your butt off to achieve, and they got there first. Remember that you do not know their past details for detail and do not know their future. But you can choose to be a part of that win by celebrating it with them. Who knows maybe they will inspire or share what they did to get there with you simply because you supported them.
Full disclosure, I did not grow up in a home where this was a regular practice. When others achieved things around us, there were not supportive cheers; there were usually negativity and sarcasm: jealousy and an unwillingness to step up and be a part of the celebration. Now things change, I’ve changed and refuse to be a part of that type of mindset. And have also come to realize that we only know what we know, and how we behave is sometimes a protection mechanism from pain or rejection. (PS I love all my family, but this is a reality that I think we all can learn from).
It occurred to me a few years ago that when I try to “make others happy,” I am taking away from them the opportunity to cultivate the necessary skills, talents, and pathways they need to find happiness on their own and keep it.
That it is not for me to judge if they have to go through discomfort, challenge, even rejection to get there, that is their path.
🌈That conversation reminded me that even though I have come so far, I still have some work.
🌈That conversation reminded me that I could spend my time trying to make others happy or find myself and be a light showing others how to cultivate it.
🌈That conversation reminded me that happiness is not something you can “give” people; it is something you can lead others to find themselves.
Today I want to encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself, “what makes YOU happy”?
And before any lame excuses pop into that conversation, ask yourself, “what is the reason you aren’t doing that”?
In keeping my focus and staying determined in my life, I try to do two things daily:
1. Set goals. Long term goals and short term goals. This helps me stay on track and also evaluate time suck activities-like jealousy and envy, scrolling Facebook to no end, and “organizing.”
2. Staying Grateful. Every night before my kids go to bed, our entire family (me, my husband, and our three kids) pray together, and after we say prayers, we go around and say a prayer for someone and what we can be grateful for. Doing this as a family has brought us closer together, and being able to get a glimpse of what my kids see and then share is impressive. When you go to bed at night, what you are thinking about is what your subconscious meditates on. So if it’s hate, jealousy, lack, and frustration, then that is what you are embedding, not your brain, body, and beliefs—such a simple act with such a powerful result.
So my reminder today is simple: you are not responsible for another’s happiness.
❣️Be a mentor and show others how to cultivate happiness.
❣️Be a mentor and assist others in creating the skills to discover happiness.
❣️Be a mentor, and do the things that make you happy.
Because what good is another’s happiness if you can’t enjoy it with them???
Your happiness has nothing to do with them… and everything to do with Y.O.U…
Check out some of Hope’s other blogs that focus on goals and the art of being determined:
5 Steps to Take Ownership Back Over Your Life
5 Setps to Take Back Ownership Over Your Life
The start of life is out of our control. No one gets to choose who their parents are, what year they are born, or where they grow up. However, those things don’t have to dictate how your story unfolds. YOU determine who you are and what your story is going to be.
OWN YOUR ACTIONS
Have you ever blamed the people or things around you when something wasn’t working out the way you wanted it to? Well, I’m 100% certain that we have all been there and done that at some point in our lives. I’m certainly not ashamed to say that I was that person for a long time. Instead of taking responsibility for my actions, I deflected and pushed the blame onto others and what was around me. I didn’t own who I was and what I did. It was easier that way.
Taking ownership is a powerful thing. Owning your actions and choices gives you the freedom to take charge of your own happiness. You are in control. When you blame others, you give away your power.
“Life doesn’t happen TO you. It happens BECAUSE of you.”
THE TIME IS NOW
As I continue to take ownership of my life and my choices, I want to welcome you to do the same. Stop blaming and start taking action. It doesn’t have to be significant. You don’t need to quit your job or leave your family-unless that is something you feel deep down you need to do. But stop waiting. Stop pointing your finger out at everyone else. Stop believing you have no say in what happens in your life.
Like Colin O’Brady (33), the first man to walk across Antarctica, it begins with a thought. Then a small step in the right direction and then having the mental strength to continue no matter what-step by step as you head towards your destination. Like Colin, we focus on that next step and not be overwhelmed by what lies ahead.
Here are 5 steps you can immediately put into practice to help take back and keep ownership over your life:
1. Get Quiet Every Single Day
Every day find time to get quite: no phone, no distractions, just you, your feelings, thoughts, and insights. Listen to what your mind and body are saying. Observe yourself. What do you notice? Getting quiet is a powerful practice, and many overlook it merely because it doesn’t feel like action. But this is where action steps evolve. (Check out how Hope gets quiet HERE)
2. Stop Blaming Other People and Things
When you blame others, you give away your power. Blaming is a self-protection mechanism. In my life experiences, we do so as a means not to have to face the truth we know. We may be feeling overwhelmed. We don’t or don’t know who to ask for the help we need. Or, like me, we were never taught how to take responsibility for our actions confidently. Stop blaming and ask yourself how I can take responsibility for this? Now that is an empowering statement.
3. Get Up and Move
We, humans, are designed to move. We are not a lion building up reserves by sleeping and resting 16-20 hours a day to run 50 mph, then to catch our prey. Research shows that sitting a lot is dangerous to our health. And even short bursts of movement: 1-minute here, 5-minutes there can be a big difference in your well-being here. Exercise can lead to greater self-control, and for me, it leads to me feeling better about myself, making me make better life choices.
4. Approach the Situation and Decide to Learn Something
When we step into a conversation or experience with ego, we lose the leverage to learn. You don’t need to be the smartest person in the room all the time. And as Tony Robbins says, the second you are the most intelligent person in the room, you are in the wrong room. If you approach each opportunity with the mantra: “what can I learn from this”? You will shift from keeping yourself stuck and protected, to openness to grow.
5. Learn How to Say No
When we say “yes” to everyone else and everything else, we are saying no to ourselves. Now I am not saying if your child needs help with math and you want to Netflix and Chill, you should say no. But there are countless times throughout the day where we are saying “yes” out of habit. We don’t want to do it or shouldn’t do it, but we do. And then we pay the price. To not create overwhelm, start with simple things like I did. Saying no to the couch with my husband and yes to going for a walk-then R&R time with him. Saying no to adding a yoga class to the schedule just because someone is asking when I knew if I said yes, it would be too much. Do a quick daily self-reflection and take inventory to where you are saying “yes” and “no” and ask yourself if the scale is off.
YOU ARE IN CONTROL
It is a freeing feeling to be in charge of your life, and in my case, it was because that was not something I had experienced prior. It is vital to my wellness that every single day I like myself; that I love myself every single day. And when I don’t, I know the scales are off. And when I don’t, things need to change.
Yoga is an opportunity for self-reflection. Self-reflection means purposefully paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, decisions, and behaviors. It enables us to make meaning of all of the great and not so great experiences we’ve had in our lives.
Just like a yoga pose, self-reflection is challenging and requires us to be open and honest with ourselves.
When we, as yogis, are unwilling to self-reflect, we project. We project those things that we are reluctant to turn inward, sit with, and change.
Change Is Hard
Change is hard but change is a necessary and pivotal part of life. When I think about all the different ways to discuss or even label change, several ideas come to mind: growth, transformation, letting go, and acceptance. All of these things require us to go within ourselves and do some sort of work–some kind of self-reflection. You can’t grow from your experiences if you don’t understand them. Once you understand the why behind your decision-making, you can make changes based on what you’ve learned.
I spent a big part of my life projecting so that I wouldn’t have to deal with my core issues. Everything was everyone else’s fault. Everything that was happening to me, around me, and within me, was always the result of someone else–at least in my mind. It was a defense mechanism to protect and preserve the only thing I knew and the only thought process and outlook that I was comfortable with accepting.
How Yoga Forced Me to Dig Deep
When yoga came into my life, it was both liberating and frustrating. Yoga gave me the freedom to feel but it also forced me to see myself for who I was. I had to look at what I was doing instead of pushing the blame onto others. I had to take a real look at myself and the real reasons behind my actions.
I say to my students each day that yoga is a mirror reflection for our everyday life and that reflection is available for us to see when we finally decide to see it. I will be the first to attest that the reflection will not always be quaint and pretty. It will most likely be uncomfortable and even sad at times. However, that is how growth happens.
Growth happens when we let go of our expectations on people, situations, and life. Letting go of our expectations does not mean that we no longer hope or desire anything from life anymore. Rather, it means that we come at our life (our mat) in a way that opens the doors rather than lingering in the doorway, just waiting for it to close or prove others are wrong.
Merriam-Webster defines compost as “a mixture that consists largely of decayed organic matter.” Compost is used for fertilizing and conditioning land. Your compost is a mixture of your stuff, your baggage, your mindsets, your hang-ups, your habits, and your ego. When you practice self-reflection, you take your compost and use it to fertilize your life and the conditions of others. You take the mixture of your life, your actions, and your situation, and you compost it.
My yoga practice has taught me a lot about my compost and digging dip into my own “mixture.” It has allowed me to get real with myself. Moreover, once you are genuinely able to see the mess you are in, only then can you begin to transform.
When things don’t go my way or are not to my liking, I first ask–Why? I then take a step back to reflect so that I can see how much of my compost is altering my experience. Coming from a place where I took everything personal in my life, once I realized how my compost was affecting what I was doing, I was better equipped to let others off the hook for my shortcomings. Seldom is it ever really about others but rather how we received those experiences and how they reflect upon us.
Don’t Give Up
I urge you to keep coming to your mat, keep getting uncomfortable, and keep taking classes and stepping into poses that ruffle your feathers. Resist the urge to roll up your mat those five minutes early in the hopes of avoiding discomfort. Instead, sit in those poses as your mind stews–allowing your mind to sift through your thoughts, emotions, and reactions to truly get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do.
From my heart to yours, from my soul to yours, from my compost to yours, and from my mat to yours, Namaste.
Have you ever been told to “take a deep breath” when something in your life has caused you to feel frustrated or overwhelmed? Chances are, you have. If you haven’t, you’ve definitely given this advice to someone else at some point or another. But why?
Stress in Life
With the ever-increasing demands and challenges in our daily lives, it’s easy to see why many of us suffer from high levels of stress. Stress activates your sympathetic nervous system, releasing hormones in the body that spark the “fight or flight” response. This response triggers the release of hormones that prepare your body to either stay and deal with a threat or flee to a safer place.
To deal with the stressors in our daily lives, many of us turn to things such as alcohol, food, exercise, or television shows to distract us. Why? Well, the answer is pretty simple–we don’t seem to have the proper tools or knowledge to be able to manage stress more effectively. And because breathing happens naturally, many of us don’t give the concept of breathing much attention.
However, breathing slowly and deeply can create a relaxation response within the body. Breathing exercises bring life back into your thirsty body, mind, and soul. It cleanses you, relaxes you, and it makes you whole.
What is F.O.R. Peace Breathing?
Pause F.O.R. Peace Breathing was introduced to me when I first started on my yoga journey. It wasn’t fancy, it wasn’t complicated, and it didn’t require any equipment. All it needed was you and your willingness to step back and breathe.
When you stop and take a breath in a stressful situation, you stop the hormones released by the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response) and start to live again. It is a simple tool that you can use every single day to prevent and release stress when it starts to bubble up.
Steps of F.O.R. Peace Breathing
Pause F.O.R. Peace Breathing un-complicates what our minds often make complicated. It makes you STOP and use the tool you were born with to deal with stress in your life.
What Does “F.O.R.” in Peace Breathing Stand For?
Focus on one, long, deep breath. Inhale deeply, feeling your diaphragm and belly expand (not your chest). Exhale through your nose or mouth for the same count, or longer. Be fully conscious of this breath.
Observe your mind. Does it wander during this breath? Where does it go? Can you try again to be right here, right now?
Refocus if you need to. Bring your mind back to your breath. If your mind wanders, return to one deep breath.
The next time that you are feeling stressed, uncertain, foggy minded, and in desperate need of relaxation, Pause F.O.R. Peace Breathing and take a breath. You will be thankful you did!
Today, I will Pause F.O.R. Peace Breathing and enjoy the power of my breath. I encourage you to join me, friends. What can it hurt?
If you’re looking for more ways to enjoy the power of your breath, check out these resources:
Meditations for Stress Relief
5 Simple Solutions When Life Feels Like A Mess
We understand that during this time there are a lot of unknowns. What exactly COVID-19 will do and how things will play out is still a big unknown!
And we deeply appreciate each and every one of you. Everyone is being affected by the current state of our country and world. From family life, to work life and it’s times like these that we often throw self-care practices out the window.
It may seem silly but, during this time, I want to suggest we stop and reflect on how we can be a part of the problem or a part of the solution.
Together let’s be a part of the solution!
With the outbreak of COVID-19 impacting our state and local community, we are focusing on doing things we need to do to keep you, our community, our staff, and our facility as safe and as healthy as possible.
For many yoga studios, they are facing challenges with running classes and keep things clean and hoping those who are sick do not come to class. To all those who attend group activities please use common sense when engaging in public activities.
So let’s take this time to make sure we are practicing good hygiene and supporting others to stay healthy!
Here are the current guidelines and announcements from federal, state and local agencies, including the CDC and other health organizations: HERE
Consider the following when out on the road, in the efforts to stay healthy and help others do the same:
1> If you are feeling healthy, keep moving. Keep walking, keep exercising. A healthy body and mind can reduce stress and boost your immune system.
2> Support each other in cultivating a gratitude practice. Dr. Joe Dispenza conducted a study that found: Practicing gratitude for 9-10 minutes, 3 times per day, for 4 consecutive days increases the function of your immune system.
3> Get some quality sleep. Check out our guided meditations to help you get some much-needed shut-eye! Get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Research has shown that T-cell production increases with consistent good rest and sleep. Naps are GREAT!
4> Consider how you can support the health and comfort of your neighbors and friends. Check up on anyone you know that may have compromised health. Stay connected via phone, text, and email.
5> Be mindful of the source of information. Be thoughtful before sharing or posting. Question information that might be untrue or cause concern.
6> If you have a compromised respiratory system, immune system, uncontrolled high blood pressure, and/or diabetes, stay safe and stay home.
7> If you show any signs of illness (fever, cough, shortness of breath), Contact your health care provider and use common sense. It may not seem like a “big deal” but others may not have as strong of immunity as you do. Consider others and their health as well as your own during this time. It is difficult to discern the difference between Coronavirus, Influenza, the common cold, and allergies.
8> Minimize exposure to Coronavirus (COVID-19) by following the hand hygiene guidelines – washing your hands with soap and water while you sing the ABCs and avoiding touching your eyes, nose, or mouth with unwashed hands. If you are experiencing flu-like symptoms, contact your doctor.
DIY Alcohol-Free Hand Sanitizer: Fight COVID-19:
>>1 Tablespoon aloe vera spray or gel
>1 Tablespoon alcohol-free wich hazel (you can find this at the dollar store, Walmart, CVS)
>1/4 teaspoon Vitamin E Oil (if you can’t find it, don’t stress, you can go without)
>10-20 drops essential oil blends like Young Living Thieves or Doterra On Guard, or DIY your own blend using: cinnamon, myrtle, tea tree, lavender, rosemary. Use what you can find!
It’s important to choose essential oils that are anti-bacterial like the ones listed above. The use of alcohol continuously on your skin can really dry out your skin. By combining aloe vera gel or spray into your mixtures you can nourish your skin as well. I prefer the spray as it’s not so clumpy and easier to mix.
Practice good social etiquette: wash your hands, cough or sneeze into your arm, and use paper towels when opening doors. Or at a minimum just we aware that the germs we spread not everyone’s immune system can withstand.
I am reminded during this time how we get what we give. So during this time give patience. Give kindness. And give good hygiene. You may never get COVID-19, but let’s make sure you don’t make it more difficult for others.
No matter what your personal stands is on our countries current state. One thing is clear, we must show kindness, and remember that although we may be healthy and never get sick or test positive for the Corona Virus, that doesn’t mean we won’t negatively impact another with our choices.
As someone who has an Uncle with cancer, a cousin who today is going in for heart surgery, and friends and family members with compromised immune systems prior to the Corona Virus. I ask you to do your part and ask yourself do I need to go out? Is telling the world I think this is silly on social media helping or hurting? And how can I support others?
Sometimes supporting others is by the following suit and washing your hands and reducing unnecessary trips to the store. And finding ways to support others in new ways. Think of all of this as a means to expand yourself in ways you otherwise wouldn’t.
Now make some DIY hand sanitizer and go wash your hands.
Want to read more?
Check out Hope’s recent blogs:
And we always appreciate it when you LIKE and SHARE our content. It helps us reach more people just like you. During this uncertain time, keep your mind focused and full of positivity, read from accurate sources, and be kind!
It’s people like you that make this world a better place! Keep being you. Keep being amazing. And keep sharing the gratitude and sweetness!
>>>>>An Attitude of Gratitude and Meditations to go with it!
>>>>>Simple Solutions When Life Feels Like a Mess
And remember no matter what, “Girl, Wash Your Hands!”
In honor of washing your hands. Order one of our GIRL, WASH YOUR HANDS TEE’S and we will donate $1 to Project HOPE to aid those who are truly affected by COVID-19.
>>> ORDER YOUR TEE HERE <<<
We have all heard this before: “An attitude of gratitude”. But in the midst of what can feel like uncertainty, it is vital. Let me say that again… it is VITAL that we keep our minds right. Drenching our minds in the news and social media is not going to make things better. But making sure we practice self-care, keep our minds clear and continue to stay calm is something I urge everyone to do.
I went to bed last night thinking a lot about our countries current situation, my life, and what I can do for my family right now and all of you.
Each night my family (my husband and our three kids) and I all pray together and after we all go around and say who or what we want to pray for tonight.
And as we went around I was reminded to not forget the little things. It made me think about how we all can still be grateful for the little things, and remember how we can impact our communities despite such circumstances.
My prayer is for you all to consider a local business to pick up food to go, or inquire about delivery, shipping gifts to that friend or family member or just letting the world know what they are doing as they struggle to remain open, or if they have already made the decision to close.
During this time, I urge you to continue to practice gratitude. To continue to go beyond and help another, even if it means having to take an extra step or two to do that.
Yesterday I made an egg and book delivery (yes I have chickens) to our amazing local cafe Perc Place and I usually just drop and go when delivering eggs or books. But I decided to grab a drink to go and support them.
Perc Place is my office away from my home office and I can’t imagine not having them in my backyard to go to for inspiration. As I stood there in the cafe all I felt was gratitude for the owner and all her staff during this time. So many unknowns, and it’s easy to think “one small act WON’T make a difference”. But, when 10, 25, 100 people all do the same thing. It all adds up. Gratitude adds up!
In order to stay mentally and physically strong in the midst of this unprecedented time. I urge you all to continue to engage in things, activities and with people who lift you up. Help you feel good. And keep you in the right frame of mind. This is VITAL!
What can you do to stay in gratitude each day?
- Go for a walk with your family and talk about positive things
- Get enough sleep
- Drink plenty of water
- Dance in the sunlight
- Write down what you are grateful for each morning
- Listen to meditations or positive recordings/books
Let’s maintain that positive attitude that helps others when we come into contact with them…even if it’s virtually.
I always ask myself “am I a part of the problem or a part of the solution?”
Let’s write out our ideas to make us and our businesses better.
Write out plans and goals that you will do during this pause in life, and what you’re doing afterward.
Then get out any anxiety that may be clouding our heads and hearts out and into the daylight by writing it down. When we write it down, it isn’t as scary.
Then once you write it down… Take action! Get on your yoga mat! Go for a walk! Read, meditate.
You know what?
These can be scary times, but we are so resilient. I’m encouraged by all of the good I see in the world, and how many people are working to help others.
Fred Rogers (aka Mr. Rogers) said in times of crisis, look for the helpers.
I say WE are the helpers.
Let’s keep getting up and taking that time for ourselves each day to better help where we are able.
And to HELP…. I am giving all of my meditations away for $1.
Why a dollar?
Well, I believe that everything is an exchange.
And my heart and soul are in those offerings and I ask that you simply be a part of the exchange back. 🙂 [And these were all professionally recorded just for you.]
>>>>> MEDITATION BUNDLE OF 6 FOR JUST A $1 <<<<<
I believe that we are the ones most responsible for our own health and well-being. It is our privilege that we practice self-care and engage in the right things. And the results will always be better than if we did not.
So remember what you do have control over. Remember how you can impact those around you, by first you being calm, centered, and full of gratitude.