5 Setps to Take Back Ownership Over Your Life
The start of life is out of our control. No one gets to choose who their parents are, what year they are born, or where they grow up. However, those things don’t have to dictate how your story unfolds. YOU determine who you are and what your story is going to be.
OWN YOUR ACTIONS
Have you ever blamed the people or things around you when something wasn’t working out the way you wanted it to? Well, I’m 100% certain that we have all been there and done that at some point in our lives. I’m certainly not ashamed to say that I was that person for a long time. Instead of taking responsibility for my actions, I deflected and pushed the blame onto others and what was around me. I didn’t own who I was and what I did. It was easier that way.
Taking ownership is a powerful thing. Owning your actions and choices gives you the freedom to take charge of your own happiness. You are in control. When you blame others, you give away your power.
“Life doesn’t happen TO you. It happens BECAUSE of you.”
THE TIME IS NOW
As I continue to take ownership of my life and my choices, I want to welcome you to do the same. Stop blaming and start taking action. It doesn’t have to be significant. You don’t need to quit your job or leave your family-unless that is something you feel deep down you need to do. But stop waiting. Stop pointing your finger out at everyone else. Stop believing you have no say in what happens in your life.
Like Colin O’Brady (33), the first man to walk across Antarctica, it begins with a thought. Then a small step in the right direction and then having the mental strength to continue no matter what-step by step as you head towards your destination. Like Colin, we focus on that next step and not be overwhelmed by what lies ahead.
Here are 5 steps you can immediately put into practice to help take back and keep ownership over your life:
1. Get Quiet Every Single Day
Every day find time to get quite: no phone, no distractions, just you, your feelings, thoughts, and insights. Listen to what your mind and body are saying. Observe yourself. What do you notice? Getting quiet is a powerful practice, and many overlook it merely because it doesn’t feel like action. But this is where action steps evolve. (Check out how Hope gets quiet HERE)
2. Stop Blaming Other People and Things
When you blame others, you give away your power. Blaming is a self-protection mechanism. In my life experiences, we do so as a means not to have to face the truth we know. We may be feeling overwhelmed. We don’t or don’t know who to ask for the help we need. Or, like me, we were never taught how to take responsibility for our actions confidently. Stop blaming and ask yourself how I can take responsibility for this? Now that is an empowering statement.
3. Get Up and Move
We, humans, are designed to move. We are not a lion building up reserves by sleeping and resting 16-20 hours a day to run 50 mph, then to catch our prey. Research shows that sitting a lot is dangerous to our health. And even short bursts of movement: 1-minute here, 5-minutes there can be a big difference in your well-being here. Exercise can lead to greater self-control, and for me, it leads to me feeling better about myself, making me make better life choices.
4. Approach the Situation and Decide to Learn Something
When we step into a conversation or experience with ego, we lose the leverage to learn. You don’t need to be the smartest person in the room all the time. And as Tony Robbins says, the second you are the most intelligent person in the room, you are in the wrong room. If you approach each opportunity with the mantra: “what can I learn from this”? You will shift from keeping yourself stuck and protected, to openness to grow.
5. Learn How to Say No
When we say “yes” to everyone else and everything else, we are saying no to ourselves. Now I am not saying if your child needs help with math and you want to Netflix and Chill, you should say no. But there are countless times throughout the day where we are saying “yes” out of habit. We don’t want to do it or shouldn’t do it, but we do. And then we pay the price. To not create overwhelm, start with simple things like I did. Saying no to the couch with my husband and yes to going for a walk-then R&R time with him. Saying no to adding a yoga class to the schedule just because someone is asking when I knew if I said yes, it would be too much. Do a quick daily self-reflection and take inventory to where you are saying “yes” and “no” and ask yourself if the scale is off.
YOU ARE IN CONTROL
It is a freeing feeling to be in charge of your life, and in my case, it was because that was not something I had experienced prior. It is vital to my wellness that every single day I like myself; that I love myself every single day. And when I don’t, I know the scales are off. And when I don’t, things need to change.
As you may or may not know, I’ve spent most of my life struggling. Struggling to survive. I survived an eating disorder, a laundry list of addictions, and the loss of a child. My journey to reach the place where I am at today hasn’t been easy. It took a lot of hard work and I met some amazing people that helped me to find a purpose in my everyday life. Thanks to the people who helped me, I am blessed to now be able to help others by offering a coaching program, Practices for a Positive and Productive Life.
I am SO excited to OFFICIALLY launch my Practices for a Positive and Productive Life Masterclass. It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey, this virtual coaching opportunity and online course will help you get crystal clear on your life priorities, health needs, and how to achieve your goals.
The beta launch starts on JANUARY 15, 2020.
SIGN UP RIGHT NOW
The best part? Sign up before January 10, 2020 and receive $1,000 off to participate in the Beta Launch of this program!
You will get access to the entire Practices for a Positive and Productive Life Masterclass for only $497 (a $1,497 value)!! I know how VALUABLE this class is. Which is why I want as many people as possible to have access to it. The Practices for a Positive and Productive Life Masterclass will without a doubt help you jumpstart the new shift in your life!
This Beta Launch is offered to you at a SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT in exchange for your participation and feedback.
By signing up for this course and coaching program, you will get:
SIGN UP TODAY
- Group coaching calls every week to ask questions, deepen your understanding, and connect with others.
- Email support from me, whenever you need it!
- Weekly videos including meditations, affirmations, and journaling
- Private Facebook Group Access
- Free $10 Starbucks Giftcard and Leather-bound journal, sent directly to you!
If I can go from a walking corpse, stricken with a deadly eating disorder, to a healthy mom of four, I can only imagine what is in store for you.
Hey all you goal getters! It’s the #Last90Days!!!
Total honesty, sometimes my personal schedule is a bit lackluster. Sometimes I struggle. I am an ultra-motivated person, but that motivation is usually attached to a #BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal). When I don’t have a BIG goal, my motivation tends to waiver.
I don’t know about you, but without goals, what are you moving towards? And when life gets tough, goals can seem a bit overwhelming. Because, heck, your not reaching them – yet. But that is where it starts. You MUST start to look at those goals as a good thing.
Sure you aren’t there, yet. But that is where you want to go. And by-gosh, you have goals. I can count on both of my hands people that I know who have no set goals in mind. And guess what? They are also frustrated with where their life is. Because they don’t know where they are going.
Today marks the first day of the last 90 days of the year. Yeah, I’m jumping on the #Last90Days challenge. I am usually not that much of a New Years Resolution kinda gal. But where I am in my life right now, I need any boost I can get. And with all my goals, I need, no I must, surround myself with people, places, and motivation so I don’t fall.
It’s the #Last90Days, So I want to know.
- What are your goals?
- What are your motivations?
- What do you want in 90 days?
- Where do you want to go?
This is vital because step one is YOU getting clear.
Like crystal clear.
And I get it. When I don’t believe that I deserve my goal, then you can bet your bottom dollar that I lack motivation. I lack drive. I am less ambitious. And I tend to allow myself to fall into relationships that do not motivate me to reach my goals.
Here are 3 things to ask yourself when setting your goals for the #Last90Days:
- WHO in your life do you need to surround yourself with?
- WHERE do you need to put yourself in your life to reach your goals?
- WHAT programs do you need to invest in to help you meet those goals?
Yes, I just suggested that you might just need to invest in something or someone to help you along the way.
Almost 15 years ago, I had a moment where I finally admitted to myself that I could not do it alone. I could not step fully into recovery the way I wanted to all by myself. I didn’t have all the answers and even more important, I didn’t have all the necessary skill sets to step forward with confidence and accountability to go with it.
Admitting myself into outpatient treatment was one of the best decisions I have ever made to date. Surrounded with others struggling with the same thing helped me feel like I wasn’t alone. And surrounded by others, some of whom didn’t really want it, was also a huge motivator for me to make a change!
The experts who guided me, pushed me, and opened my eyes to new ways of doing things, will have forever impacted me for the better. That one phone call is in part the reason why I am here today, typing this #Last90Days blog post to you all having been in recovery for 14 years.
Now don’t get me wrong. Those 14 years were no walk in the park. But it was my first 90 days of many more to come.
A great mentor told me (more than once) that “You can’t have a tenth time without having a first time”. And you can’t have a day 90, without having a day 1.
I have been in need of a jump start. I mean, I’m fine, but I have been searching for a boost, a bigger push and I can tell my potential is not being met on a daily basis. This morning I woke up thinking about that phone call I made 14 years ago. How scared I was, how nervous I was. How desperate I was to be healthy again.
Laying in bed, I was thinking about why I want to reach my goals. And it occurred to me that my goals, my BHAG’s are not really something I have been sharing with others. I have been keeping almost all of them quiet to myself.
This is a BIG problem. This is the exact reason I struggled for more than five years to step into recovery, because I kept my goals a secret. How can someone support something they don’t know exists? And then this morning I pop on Facebook to respond to a dozen messages or so and on pops Dave Hollis talking about the last 90 days of the year. And I am reminded yet again to get clear on my goals. And only I can decide if I want to meet them or not.
Leave a comment or head over to my Facebook page and drop a note, or post a picture on Instagram and tag me @hopezvara to let me (and the world) know what goals you are working toward before the year is out. We will help keep you accountable!
How can someone support another on their quest to bettering themselves if they don’t know it’s evening happening? #Last90Days
I start out my day with my Green Power Smoothie. Is this one of your goals? Check out my recipe.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Why do I do that? Why do I keep quiet? I’ll tell you, I often get in my own head and judge myself.
Like: “Who is she with those big goals?” “Does she really think she’ll get there?”
Can I save you the suffering? That type of thinking derails even the strongest person.
I recognize that in myself and that is in part why I am writing this blog. That is in part why I am asking you these questions. Because I don’t want to be alone in this quest on the last 90 days.
We can do this.
This is not about being perfect. This is about being honest. Real. And setting yourself up for the success you deserve.
Here are 6 suggestions to help you reach your goals:
1. Write your goals down.
Yes, write those baby’s down. What are they, don’t just type up something and never look at it again. Post it to your office wall, your bedroom door. Bathroom mirror, whatever it takes. I have done this, and actually made an alarm in my phone to once a day ring to remind me what I am shooting for when I know I struggle the most.
2. Offer gratitude.
It is true that an attitude of gratitude will get you further than one without. Every single day write down 1-3 things you are grateful for. Don’t even think about telling me you have no time. This takes all of 45 seconds. And I want to encourage you to do what I do and write down: a person, a place, and a thing (or something to that effect) every single day.
3. Decide who you will surround yourself with.
Yes, this matters- BIG. You become those you choose to surround yourself with. Now I don’t mean that you should never help someone less than you. But my point is if you spend your evenings with people who watch T.V. all night snacking late into the evening, then I can assure you your goals won’t be met. Choose wisely.
4. Be real.
Be real in that this will get hard. Don’t even think for a second that this is going to be a walk in the park. You will have days, challenges, temptations. But you must decide what you want more. Instant gratification, or long-term satisfaction.
5. Write it down.
Get out a journal, a piece of paper, the back of an envelope. Don’t let the what gets in the way of the how. Write down your goals, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Some days you’ll say you are too busy, well then I guess you are too busy for the satisfaction afterwards then too. Those moments where you just don’t want to do it. Remember that is just a feeling, and our brain doesn’t always like change. But like learning to brush your teeth. This is a necessary one.
6. Get the right tools.
Struggle does cost you. I know this first hand. Spending $10 to save a $1 is hardly worth it. What tools do you need to help you reach your goals? You may need to cut down on the Starbucks habit, or the constant trips to Costco. But isn’t reaching your BHAG worth it? That is why I started my Online Mindful Movement & Yoga Studio. Affordable. Easy. Quality Teaching. BOOM!
Today’s the DAY!
Today marks the decision you must make within yourself. Do I want it enough? Here’s some tough love. I don’t care about all the reasons why it’s hard, or impossible, or how your situation is so unique from everyone else. I’m empathetic, but also realistic in that we all have challenges and no one is unique to that. But it is those that push past that and find a way.
Do you want it?
Do you want to find a way or not?
Do you want to celebrate after reaching the goal or not?
Do you want to have a better life and future or not?
Do you want it or not?
Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m saying all of this to myself. I am writing all of this to myself. I need to hear this. I refuse to stay still. I refuse to watch someone else live my dreams. I refuse to live in regret.
And I want that for you too.
Together let’s not just want it. Let’s go out and get it.